Wednesday smilejerker: musician humour


Musicians are among the funniest people on Earth, and if you ever get the chance to hang out with them, you’ll definetly find out some great jokes and have a blast. This week, we made up a compilation with some of the funniest jokes, one-liners and stories. Let us know whether you like them or not, and if you’re a drummer…well… beware!Q: What’s the difference between a musician and a pizza ?
A: A pizza can feed a family of four.

Q: What do you call a person who hangs out with musicians?
A: A drummer.

Q: What do you call a drummer that just broke up with his girlfriend?
A: Homeless

• If thine enemy wrong thee, buy each of his children a drum. – Ancient Proverb (oh so true)

Q: How do you get 2 electric guitar players to play in perfect unison ?
A: Shoot one of them.

Q: How do you get an musician off your front step ?
A: Pay for the pizza.

Q: How do you get 2 electric guitar players to play in perfect unison ?
A: Shoot one of them.

Q: How many Electric Guitar players does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Five. One to change it and four to discuss how Eric Clapton would have done it.

Q: If you drop an Electric Guitar Player and a watermelon off a tall building, which would hit the ground first ?
A: Who cares ?

Q – What do you throw a drowning guitarist ?
A – His amplifier.

Q – Why are so many guitarists jokes one liners?
A – So the rest of the band can understand them.

Q – What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
A – He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.

Q – How do you get two guitar players to play in perfect unison?
A – Shoot One.

Q – What do a guitar solo and premature ejaculation have in common?
A – You know it’s coming and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Q – How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A – One, but the guitarist has to show him first

Q – What’s the definition of a bass player?
A – Halfway between a drummer and a musician.

Q – Why do bands have bass players?
A – To translate for the drummer.

Q – Why don’t bass players ever catch a cold?
A – Even a virus has some pride.

Q – Why did the Bass Player cross the road?
A – Because he heard the chicken was a slut.

Q- What’s the difference between a bass guitarist and God?
A- God doesn’t think he’s a bass guitarist.

Q – How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A – “Why? Oh, wow! Is it like dark, man?”

Q – Hey, did you hear about the drummer who finished high school?
A – Me neither.

• Oxymorons: Drum Music

• So many drummers, so little time. (Ouch!)

• Overheard: “Will the musicians please come to the stage. Oh, and the drummer too.”

A guy goes into a doctor’s office complaining of pain. The doctor asks, “where does it hurt?” The guy touches his arm and says ouch. Then he touches his knee and says owwwwwch. Then he touches his stomach and says owwww. “It hurts everywhere” he tells the doctor. The doctor says… “you’re a bass player aren’t you?” The guy replies, “how did you know that?” The doctor tells him, “you don’t hurt everywhere… you’re finger is broken.”

A bass player goes to the optometrist, and the doctor says “You really need to stop masturbating.” The man, a little worried, asks the doctor, “why… am I going blind?” “No,” says the doctor. “But you’re disturbing everyone else in the waiting room.”

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